To be completely honest, this topic of Growing in Your Purpose was one that was difficult for me to write about. Not because I didn’t have much to say, but more so because it forced me to reflect on my own continuous growth. I had to find a way to take my emotions and struggles and piece them into a cohesive post (because 85% of the time my thoughts are racing 100mph in every direction). I’d like to preface this by saying I can only speak about what worked best for me– my personal experiences and the paths I chose to take. Growing in your purpose will look and feel different for you because it is different for everyone. However, I do hope reading about my journey of growth lights something within you to either start or continue your journey of purpose.
Personally, the biggest factor of growing in my purpose has been introspection. The ability to examine one’s own emotional and mental processes is not only time consuming but comes with great responsibility. The truth of the matter is, it’s difficult to face your own flaws/internal roadblocks. However, it is even more difficult to actually do something about them. It is important to reach deep within yourself on this lifelong voyage because it takes a certain level of vulnerability with yourself to do so. There’s this notion of how scary it is to be vulnerable with another human, but when’s the last time you were truly vulnerable with yourself. Believe it or not, many people are not honest with themselves. Once you verbalize and then accept your doings, it makes them real. Which means something has to be done, or shall I say something SHOULD be done (because sometimes nothing is done at all). The acknowledgment of needing to work on certain areas means you no longer get to use them as a “crutch” in your life. If you’re confused on what I mean here are some familiar examples: “When I get upset I can’t control my mouth, so don’t take it personal” WRONG! “When I get overwhelmed with something I tend to shut down and retreat” WRONG! “I’m not the best at explaining how I feel, but know that I care” WRONG! The reality of this world is that every single one us has things to work on, but what good does it do for us to accept our flaws as part of our being. I’ve never been fond of the phrase “well that’s just who I am”, once again… WRONG! That is who you have accepted to be. When you know better, you have the obligation to do better.
It is difficult to pinpoint the start of my journey but I can for sure say that it has consciously started within the last few years. Every day we have been on this earth is a day of living in our purpose, but there comes a point in time when you take control of that journey, and that is what I’m referring to. We must actively seek growth and change because the reality is that it does not happen on its own. With each passing day, we are constantly transforming mentally, physically, and emotionally without even thinking about it. But in order for that transformation to be beneficial and of true substance, we must be cognizant of our end goal and then create a plan of how we wish to mold ourselves into that person. For those of you who know me, you know that I believe my purpose on this earth is to help and inspire others. Ultimately, I wish to create a foundation and help those in need through a homeless shelter/drop-in center. In the meantime, I’ve found a way to inspire and help on a daily basis by blogging and being a resource to those around me. I have no doubt that I am very different than others when it comes to my ability to process my thoughts and emotions. I strive to take something from every encounter I have because there is always something to be learned. I am constantly processing internally in order to not only understand those around me but to grasp a better concept of the woman I am transforming into DAILY. Also, by understanding my experiences I am better able to share them with you all.
There are 4 aspects of my life that have taught me so many things, specifically in the last two years. Between friendships, school, relationships, and moving I have had my fair share of growing pains. School is what led me to move, which created a domino effect in my progression. I always knew that obtaining my bachelors was not the end goal for me. During my senior year of college I started looking for grad schools and I just knew for sure that I wanted to go south. A story that many people don’t know is that I only looked into programs in St. Louis because of the guy I was dating at the time. L O L. Long story short we broke up, and he didn’t get transferred to St. Louis, which allowed me to get a fresh start. * Let the record show that I did apply and get accepted to schools in the South, but Webster was paying for school and paying me! * There are a million and one lessons in this entire scenario, but I’m thankful for God’s touch because I probably would still be in Indiana had this all played out differently. Being in St. Louis has allowed me to grow in ways that I had never imagined. Although the city is a bit slow, it is what I needed in this season of my life. Places like Chicago or Indianapolis would have slowed my progress and clouded my focus. Here, I have been able to isolate myself and step into a chapter that is my own. Throughout this time, I have learned how to manage my time, money, emotions, and mental health. I’ve realized that I enjoy being in new spaces and settings, it is the essence of who I am. As difficult as it was, I loved being in a city where I knew no one. Two years later, I have now grown roots here (no matter how often I’m gone haha). I trust God’s ability to lead me into every decision I make, even when it makes absolutely no sense. During this time I have taken control of what I desire my life to be, while letting go of people and situations that no longer align with that.
With all of this being said I’d like to leave you with a few things that I’ve taken away from my ongoing journey:
– You can be whole while still discovering pieces of yourself.
– Go to sleep each night with a clear mind and heart, and get up the next day to try again.
-Have people in your life that hold you accountable.
*SN: In my group of friends I am well known for calling them out on things that they could and should be doing better. Now, don’t get me wrong I am not constantly beating them down with criticism, but I do challenge their thoughts and ability to do better. In the same instance, I expect them to hold me to the same standard. Those in our lives who truly know us, know when we are not reaching our full potential.
– In times when it feels like life has buried you, water yourself and BLOOM!
– You have no time to convince others to value all that you are.
– Learn to return back home to yourself.
– Give yourself permission to grow, bend, break, cry, to find peace in chaos, to EXIST,
to LIVE, to hold on, and to let go. You’re only human.
Every day I’m still figuring it out, and some days I get it completely wrong. But it’s one hell of a ride and I’m enjoying every second of it. I’d like to close by letting anyone know who is reading this to always feel free to reach out to me if they have questions, need advice, or just would like to know more about my journey. Have a wonderful week!